Blog #221--Treating Ourselves as Equals

Many religions over the centuries have urged parishioners to treat others as their equals. Finding good in others, accepting differences without judgment and treating them as we would treat ourselves are all tools to aid that process. It isn’t always an easy thing to accomplish, but there appears to be a direct correlation between finding our natural equality with others and our spiritual growth.

However, we often forget about another important aspect of the equation. We must also treat ourselves as equal to others. If we make any exceptions to this spiritual principle, it is the way we treat ourselves. Many of us think that, while it might be useful to accept others as equals, exceptions can be made for ourselves and our children if needed for some self-interested purpose. But inequality is produced as readily by putting ourselves on a pedestal as it is to denigrate others.

We might remind others to pay their taxes without cheating and then allow some fudging on our own tax returns. We might admonish others for taking something that doesn’t belong to them, but if a dispensing machine gives us back more change than is due, we might keep it rather than notify the company of a problem with the machine and give back the money.

When I worked as a sports journalist, the college team I covered built a big addition onto one side of its football stadium, providing amenities unavailable on the other side. This required a massive financial layout that will not be paid back for a long time. Many people donated large sums of money to aid this process and received a few perks to reward their generosity. This is how it is usually done with large projects like this.

Despite the improved facilities that competed more favorably with competitors in a race to impress both fans and recruits, not everyone was happy about it. It amazed me how many people with tickets on the opposite side complained about how their side was being neglected. Their animosity came despite improvements on their side that included more bathrooms and other amenities. Many of them did not offer financial assistance to the expansion project, yet they were mad they weren’t given the same set-up as the other side received.

Did they deserve the same improvements? Probably. But couldn’t the school be forgiven for needing to pay off most of one side before attempting to duplicate the improvements on the other side? There was no attempt to help some at the expense of others, and it was stated early on that both sides would eventually be improved. But those with a sense of entitlement felt they deserved special treatment.

That went double for season ticket holders who had to accept changes in their seat assignments. The addition actually reduced the total number of seats in the stadium. Some who had been providing donations and buying season tickets for many years had to move to the side opposite the addition because there was no longer room for them at their usual location.

This forced some people on the opposite side to move further from the 50 yard line. A number of them raised a big ruckus because THEY deserved better treatment. They were unable to accept the reality of the situation and the need to accommodate everyone because they assumed they were special and should be treated better than their fellow fans.

Many of us make exceptions for our spouses and children as well as ourselves. Even if they have broken the law, we can be forgiven for lying to protect them. After all, they may be repaying karma and had no choice but to behave poorly. No court can force a wife to testify against her husband, or vice verse. Most won’t testify against their children either. If they do, they may provide untrue alibis.

But short of the threat of imprisonment, many parents still make exceptions for their own children. They spoil them, assuming them to be different than and superior to all others. It is true our children are special to us, but it is not true they deserve to be protected from making mistakes since we all learn best from facing the consequences of our actions. If our children think we will let them get away with something we would not allow for others, they will take advantage of it to their own detriment.

My mother was a school teacher, and I can’t count how many times parents approached her to treat their children better than the rest. Some of the worst offenders were members of the school board. And coaches at the school demanded she give star athletes undeserved passing grades so they could be eligible to compete. Those coaches were considering their own short-term wants as more important than the true needs of the student athletes, who needed to take their education more seriously but wouldn’t if they were given good grades without earning them.

Those of us who feel inferior to others have the opposite problem. If we don’t give ourselves equal credit, we end up limiting ourselves and lacking confidence. This has an adverse effect on our physical and mental health. If that is our problem, we can benefit from finding all that is good about us and being grateful for those gifts. We are truly equal to all others, so we must study ourselves more thoroughly to identify and accept our many good qualities. And others benefit if we can then share those revelations with them.

Self-doubt is as dangerous as cockiness. In both cases, we create the imbalances we assumed had to be there. But if we develop true self-confidence, we know we are equal to others. At that point, we don’t need to brag or pout about our uniqueness. We can simply be at peace with ourselves and others.

Treating others as equals is difficult but valuable. It is equally important to treat ourselves as equal to others. Not superior, not inferior, but equal. Once we embrace this concept fully, our consciousness is ready to become one with the entire universe and our creator.

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