Blog #215--Improving Self-Confidence

We learn all sorts of survival techniques as we grow from infancy to adulthood. Some of us learn more than others, but life provides many opportunities for learning, whether our parents help us or not. One of the biggest benefits of this education is our self-confidence. There is great value in gaining confidence in ourselves, as opposed to arrogance, which represents fear hidden by a pretense of confidence.

Some people are more confident at birth than others. But all of us could use a few successes in our early years to strengthen that confidence and learn to trust it. In most cases, trial-and-error is necessary. Unfortunately, some people run away from problems out of fear, reinforcing the fear and preventing self-confidence. And some refuse to try a second time if the first try fails. It is illogical to assume we were born perfect at any task, but imperfect results can discourage a desire to make improvements for the next time we are faced with that situation.

If we are willing to admit we need practice to be good at something, gains can be made. In my own situation, I loved the idea of playing and swimming in pools from an early age. But I was leery of drowning and stayed in the shallow end. My mother signed me up for a beginner’s swimming class at the YMCA, but I had never actually learned to swim by the time we displayed the results of our class for our families.

Fortunately, fate stepped in to help. A man my mom was dating came with us to the performance. When I told him I was worried I would embarrass myself, he suggested I simply dive in and coast before beginning a swimming stroke. I had never dived into a pool before either, but that night I found myself needing that technique. My classmates and I were arranged alphabetically, and a few at a time demonstrated the step-by-step approach used in the class, beginning with simply walking across the width of the shallow end of the pool.

My name was near the end of the alphabet, so I was the first one to swim across the shallow end. I overcame my fear long enough to dive in, and by the time I was ready to try a swimming stroke, I was already near the other side. I can’t tell you how excited I was. I now knew I could swim, although I certainly needed more practice and strength to swim well.

I still stayed in the shallow end of the pool after that, until I needed to swim 50 feet to complete my First Class badge in Boy Scouts. We had an evening pool party my first summer in the troop, and I realized it might be my last chance to pass that requirement for a long time to come. When the troop leader asked at the end of the evening if anyone wanted to swim 50 feet, I volunteered. That meant going from the shallow end to the deep end and back, much farther than I had ever swum before.

Through perseverance, I made it the whole way. I never again had problems being in the deep end or swimming distance. In fact, a year later I earned a patch for swimming a full mile, 65 lengths of that same pool. It took me over an hour, and all my toes were cramped, but I finished. Some had finished in less than half the time, but I did it. Without the confidence earned through previous efforts, that result would have been impossible.

As another example, I signed up to play “Little Little League” baseball with other 8 and 9 year old children. I had never played organized baseball before, and I had never faced live pitching. Back then, it was sink-or-swim. No one provided instruction, there were no opportunities to hit off a tee or have coaches lob balls to us so we could learn to hit. We had to do it or sit on the bench.

That whole summer, I tried in vain to hit the ball. I remember coming home after a practice bragging to my mom I had actually hit a foul ball. It was nothing to be happy about, but it was an improvement. Finally, in the last game of the season, I suddenly saw the ball hit my bat and fly over the center fielder’s head. I was so shocked, I just stood at home plate and watched the ball flight. Fans including my mom kept yelling “Run Jackie, run.” I barely made it to first base, where normally it might have been a triple. Still, from that point on, I knew I could hit.

The reversal of confidence was amazing to me. It allowed me to relax at the plate and see the ball more clearly than before. I knew better when to swing and when to let the pitch go. I began swinging aggressively instead of defensively. Confidence made all the difference. If I hadn’t experienced failure and kept trying, I never would have gotten that hit, and I would never have known I could play baseball and enjoy it.

As discussed in my book “It’s a Secret, So Pass It On: a Toolbox For Life,” our internal immune system operates on the same confidence level as our minds. If we are confident in the face of a threat, our immune systems approach a foreign object such as a bacteria or virus the same way. If we are fearful, our immune systems are more compromised and susceptible to infection.

From personal observation, I believe there is a correlation between confidence level and directness, which is associated with the male principle within all of us. It allows us to face threats rather than run away from them. The more confident we are, the more direct we are, the more success we can have responding to problems in our lives. Highly submissive people and animals may never become highly self-confident, but even a little directness can help them attain a better balance and ability to respond to dangers.

Successfully escaping our mother’s womb is our first opportunity to develop self-confidence, and each subsequent success reinforces it further. Of course, failures can reduce self-confidence. That is why children are often told to get back on their bicycles and ride again after falling. That is why phrases like “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” have so much value. Survival is enhanced with self-confidence; it is up to us to find it within ourselves and lean on it when times get rough.

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