Blog #201--Self-Actualization

We are given a name at birth. Most of us are raised around our immediate family and learn about our heritage. As we proceed through our informative years, we learn about how our minds and bodies work and how to interact with others. We develop skills that hopefully can sustain us when we are adults and living independently. But most of us still don’t really know who we are.

For instance, while I always wanted to become some sort of doctor and made sure I took the courses in school that would prepare me for that possibility, I never thought about what I really wanted to do in life. More than that, I wasn’t set in my ways or beliefs. Like most of us, I was like a feather floating in the wind, blown this way and that without purpose other than to ride out the rough spots in hope of a better future. I tried to be friendly with all people, but I rarely if ever took a stand on anything of substance.

I was a Protestant because my parents were. I eventually visited a variety of churches and realized there were small differences between them, but I never really felt a need to take sides or prefer one variation over the others. My father was a Democrat, but after my parents divorced when I was six, my primary influences were Republican. So of course I assumed they were right and claimed the same political preference. Like with religion, I knew nothing about differences between the two political parties. What’s more, since I naively assumed both parties wanted what was best for America (ignorance is bliss, they say), I was in no hurry to take sides.

I certainly had some opinions, but I rarely argued with someone over them; I simply didn’t know enough about these subjects to have strong opinions. That is, until I went through an explosion of awareness that changed the direction of my life. I realized I was a natural behaviorist, among many other things. The expanded perspective I gained, along with the opportunity to live for awhile as a hermit, gave me convictions plus the strength and courage to defend them. At that point, I realized I was self-actualized.

The term “self-actualization” means different things to different people. To me, it represents understanding what is really important to us and having the courage to defend our views if necessary. Setting priorities allows us to show the world exactly who we are. Certainly, some people will turn against us if we express thoughts or feelings that oppose their own, but it also attracts our like kind.

For instance, honesty became my policy. I realized that I needed to show the world who I was so that I could meet those who happen to share my perspective. There was no longer any value in dishonesty or non-disclosure; I would win or lose representing the best I could be. And I stopped trusting politicians and mass media for the same reason.

Unselfishness was also essential because I realized I was rewarded more for giving than receiving. By helping others, I created a void which Nature filled with uplifting energy at least equivalent to what I had given. My spiritual philosophy evolved.

I was no longer willing to play games with people to attract a mate, pretending to be who they wanted me to be. Whether I found a mate or not, I was determined to find someone who loved me for the way I was. If that meant living the rest of my life alone, so be it. I knew I’d be happier alone than living with someone with whom I was at crossed-purposes. I felt a need to find a partner to share a specific future, someone who also was self-actualized and at least open-minded about what I learned during my explosion.

While it is likely some people never experience a profound explosion that helps them identify their true natures, most of us eventually reach a point in our lives where we must decide what is important to us. My “bottom line” may differ from most others, but self-actualization gives us the key to understanding who we are. What we do with that knowledge determines whether we benefit from it. Some of those who have self-actualized, including teachers, clergy and gurus, end up with egos the size of the Grand Canyon, to their detriment and the detriment of their followers.

Without giving names, there was a man with a charismatic, magnetic personality who was trained by several beloved spiritual masters as he grew into full maturity. His bona fides were exceptional, and he attracted many followers. However, over time it appeared to some that he had let his success go to his head. In other words, his ego regained control sufficiently to distort and limit his ability to share his great gifts with others.

I remember seeing photos of him sitting on a large, ornate throne with a massive felt curtain behind him and flower bouquets around him while giving one of his many lessons. This suggested an attempt to glorify his position among his followers, an ego trait. More than that, he is said to have mated with numerous wives of followers and always seemed to have a small harem of women around him.

I understand he smoke and drank heavily, no surprise given he was human like the rest of us. But his human frailties countered his notion of being God-realized, as he claimed repeatedly. There is no doubt he was self-actualized, but with a Scorpio birthday, it seems to me he was more Scorpio-realized than God-realized. He had become basically a stereotype of traits considered typical of Scorpios.

That’s not wrong; he was born that way. My book “It’s a Secret, So Pass It On: a Toolbox For Life,” instead of being a format useful for all people, may in reality be simply a Libra-actualized exercise. Balance is the key teaching shared in the book, and Libras are known for balancing the scales of justice. I believe it has value for all people regardless of birth date, but I also realize Libras will find it easiest to understand and utilize in their own lives.

We are really multiple people. We are one person when we are feeling childlike or childish, a second person when we are using our logical aspect or serving as parents or teachers, and a third person who shines through in rare moments when we are in balance and connected to the whole. Self-actualization helps us identify our third self and accept our purpose/plight in life.

I can’t teach anyone how to make self-actualization happen because the process is unique for each person and cannot be forced or copied from others. But the experience of achieving self-actualization is definitely worth the hardships getting there. I wish it for all those who are unafraid to find out more about themselves and their world.

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