Blog #153--Thinking For Ourselves

As an animal behaviorist, I was inspired to write a book called “Dogs Need Our Love,” published in 1982. The publisher was the 12th one I’d contacted about the book. I thought I had a publisher lined up on the first try. They said they wanted a book on dog behavior, and the four chapters I sent impressed them. But they changed their minds after reading it in its entirety.

I was shocked by their reversal at first, but then I realized I was making recommendations that went against their preferred approach to handling dogs. They, and many pet owners, want someone to give them a cookbook approach to solving animal behavior problems without accepting any responsibility for causing those problems. While some inappropriate behaviors result from neurological or genetic disorders, the vast majority are normal responses by animals toward the attitudes and behaviors of their owners.

Most of us want to take the easy way out. If we wish to lose weight, we hope to find a pill or procedure that will do it for us without having to change our diet or lifestyle. The same is true for many pet owners. They want someone else to “correct” their animals without taking any personal responsibility. They may hire someone to teach their pets proper behavior, but they expect any improvement to be permanent without needing to change the physical and psychological environment which may have contributed to the problem in the first place.

A person with a strong background in publishing explained that I could sell a large number of copies of my book if I was willing to tell people what they want to hear. I couldn’t do that because most dogs change their behaviors in response to changes in our attitudes toward them. I could not with clear conscience tell dog owners to ignore their contribution to problems in the home since they may be the biggest single reason for behavior problems.

Dogs in particular are pack animals that willingly follow a dominant leader. They feel more secure if they can trust their leader to be consistently responsible for the whole pack. If the pack leader falters, another replaces it at the top of the hierarchy. If pet dogs lack human leadership, they may have to take over leadership in the home. But follower dogs suffer from a loss of security at being in charge; it scares them, and they behave unpredictably as a result. They simply don’t know how to lead and lack the instincts for making the best decisions under pressure.

Many of us want pets to provide the love and companionship we otherwise lack in our daily lives, but we don’t usually consider how pets see us. We want the benefits of pet ownership without the responsibilities required of us on a daily basis. Inconsistent treatment by an owner can make any pet confused at best and reactive at worst. We need to observe ourselves while we interact with our pets so we can see how we look to them. We can then ask ourselves, “If I were my pet, how would I respond to that kind of treatment?”

In other words, we need to treat them as equals. There are times when we absolutely must take charge of situations because our pets usually require that of us. And there are times when we must encourage and uplift our pets with a confident air and loving gesture to make sure they don’t fall into a mental dungeon from which all things seem dark, destructive and scary. We are all variations on the same theme, and we are created to serve a specific purpose in this world. Sharing a life with others, whether human or animal, requires treating them as our equals. Thinking for ourselves and adapting when necessary prevents all sorts of problems.

I am finding some readers are having a similar difficulty with my new book “It’s a Secret, So Pass It On: a Toolbox For Life.” In this case, I have expanded my conclusions to include humans and all aspects of our lives on Earth. Just like with my dog book, many people want me to tell them what to do. I can give them sufficient background to understand themselves and their world better, but only they can figure out how to solve problems unique to them. A cookbook approach won’t help them become more spiritual or find happiness and peace of mind.

More than anything, many of us are stymied by our own egos. We may follow all sorts of rituals because someone tells us to do so. We may copy what others do, and we may refuse to try a different approach even if our problems require it. We may brag that we are superior to all other life forms while projecting an image that we are dangerously unbalanced. Many of the conclusions our egos draw to solve problems may be based on the assumption that we can do no wrong and are different than all others.

If our egos were correct, we would have solved all our problems long ago. At least, we would have learned to accept life as it is rather than what we expect it to be. The fact many of us want to believe we don’t eventually die is one of numerous examples of preference for wishful thinking over reality. But even if one generation learns these facts, the next one must go through the same process since lies bombard us from birth onward. We find truth once we stop listening to messages that fail us.

I would love to tell people, “Here is a list of things you can do to guarantee a place in Heaven.” After all, those who believe in Heaven are desperate to get there if they can’t stay on Earth forever. But I would be doing them a tremendous disservice by telling them that. In my mind, we are all guaranteed eternal life because we are one with our creator and the entire universe. It would also be nice if I could confirm that one religion or one belief system works for everyone, but I don’t believe that either. Each system has its benefits, but none are correct 100% of the time because the ego is involved in their creation and interpretation.

We must think for ourselves to find our answers, and that notion scares many of us. Thinking for ourselves seems much harder than just doing what someone else tells us to do, but those authority figures do not know our particular situations. Only we know precisely what we are thinking and doing, so only we have a chance of making improvements when life works against us.

Whether we are trying to improve our relationship with our pets or ourselves, the answers can come to us once we let go of fear. We are special, but so are all other life forms. Feeling good about that opens up the door that allows us to experience true love. That was my highest motivation for writing both books. I hope someday people will understand that and consider the conclusions I draw.

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