Blog #85 --Early Memories Can Affect Entire Life

Psychiatrists and psychologists often assist their clients by helping them recall and heal memories from early childhood. While it can take some time to break down walls our egos build to hide dark memories from our conscious awareness, the rewards for doing so can be palpable. I discussed one such instance in my book “It’s a Secret, So Pass It On: a Toolbox For Life.” My six year old self was still living alone in a dark forest secondarily to the trauma of his/my parents’ divorce. Letting him know it was safe to come out into the sunlight helped me overcome a major health issue as an adult.

We all have early life traumas that can have an impact on the rest of our lives, but we often fail to remember them. In some cases, we are simply too young to remember. In others, our egos try to block access to bad memories out of fear of repetition. Either way, it is useful to rediscover the memories to free us from unnecessary limits on our freedom and peace of mind. We need to open “cans of worms” and shine a bright light upon them. In doing so, we often discover the memories are not as traumatic as we might have thought when young.

For instance, I can’t stand to sleep with the bed linens covering part or all of my head and face. Since not all people are this way, I’d often wondered why that was so important for me. Then one day I remembered an incident that occurred shortly after I started sleeping in an adult-sized bed rather than a crib. For some reason, I crawled completely under the covers, which were tucked in on both sides and at the foot of the bed so I wouldn’t fall out.

I became disoriented and couldn’t find my way back out. I probed one way and then another, but nothing seemed to work. I began to panic, which of course made things worse. I eventually screamed for my mother to help me get out, which she did. While the experience seems funny to me now, it was a memory that changed my behavior from then on. I now know I can put my head under the covers if I want to, but I still feel more comfortable with them tucked neatly under my chin so my entire head is exposed. A lifelong behavior started with one brief but frightening experience.

At the end of my last day of kindergarten, we were told we could use the playground for awhile before departing for home. I planned to climb on the monkey bars, but the slide was closer, so I changed my mind. It was a hot day, and I was wearing shorts and tennis shoes. The metal slide was extremely hot, so I pulled my feet closer to me to avoid touching it with bare skin. When I tried to push forward to slide down, my shoes stuck on the slide and I went over the edge. The 15 foot fall to the hard concrete produced a broken wrist.

I was rarely if ever aware of any major fear of slides or even high places after that. As an adult, I drove my family up to the top of Pike’s Peak and had multiple experiences driving on narrow, winding roads in the mountains with only mild apprehension. That is, until we visited Royal Gorge in Colorado. As I looked down the steep cliff, I suddenly experienced vertigo and felt like I was ready to fall into oblivion.

My family wanted to cross the suspension bridge overlooking the gorge, but I found the going extremely difficult. I was determined to overcome my fear, so I pushed on and made it to the other side and back. But I never once felt comfortable until the walk had ended and we were on solid ground again. It is likely this experience was exacerbated by memory of my broken wrist.

However, the intensity of the experience suggests there might be an additional memory hidden further in my subconscious. I have long wondered whether I had a past life in the western United States as a cowboy and had fallen off a high cliff to my death. I have never had a clear vision of any such event, but it still makes some sense to me on a subconscious level. So it is possible, if past lives are real memories, that my vertigo was the result of a distant memory in addition to the slide experience.

Regression hypnosis has often resulted in people remembering past lives, and some present day physical and emotional problems have been overcome when past life memories have been accessed and healed. Whether or not past life memories are real experiences, many people have experienced them, and they do often affect us in this life. Some birth marks are in locations identical to where people remember being shot or otherwise injured. Pains unassociated with any specific present-life trauma may also be associated with past lives. And many emotional reactions to other people and events may have connections with previous life experiences.

Regardless of the cause, it is often helpful to open up to memories that may be contributing to present problems. Children too young to process traumatic events into words and detailed memories often suffer later in life when similar events occur. I feel especially sorry for those who had emotionally, physically or sexually abusive parents because they may harbor numerous frightening memories that limit their potential as adults. Without a tremendous amount of love and understanding to help them overcome these memories, they may never recover fully.

It would be especially nice if parents would understand the long-term implications of actions toward their children. Some things can’t be avoided, so helping them heal their emotional scars as well as any wounds right after the event can help them long into the future. They will remember both the positive and negative, so it is hoped the negative can be limited as much as is humanly possible.

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