Blog #62--Letting Go Of Old Mental Tapes

Many of those who try to live spiritual lives in our world know the value of forgiveness and acceptance for our own soul’s growth. I provided tools to help us along the path in my book “It’s a Secret, So Pass It On: a Toolbox For Life.” However, it is easier said than done.

We may logically recognize our need to accept others as they are and make an effort to do so. We may even make an honest effort to do this so we can state with some degree of logical certitude that we have forgiven direct and indirect attacks on us. However, we also have a feeling side that is not logical but retains memories of every bit of pain we’ve experienced in our lifetimes, including details of those who appeared, correctly or not, to do wrong by us.

These memories are like tape recordings our brains play for us periodically. If they remain bothersome, we go through new pain remembering old pain. If we keep playing these tapes without some sort of resolution, our balance suffers. Eventually, dis-ease can result.

I know this for a fact because I have experienced illnesses on more than one occasion that appeared directly related to events I was either unwilling to forgive or tried in vain to change to my advantage. At least, my dis-ease resolved itself only after I found a way to heal the emotional scars. The dis-ease was an attempt by my subconscious feeling self to cry out for help.

Facing and then healing negative memories is essential, but this can be one of the most difficult assignments of our entire lives. This is especially true if these memories have festered within us unresolved for an extended period of time. Most of us gain temporary relief by removing ourselves from the situation, but the issues remain.

We may be convinced we were mistreated unfairly. We may presume someone attacked us intentionally without provocation. We may rationalize we were trying to help someone but were rejected out of hand. Regardless, the blame game is not the issue; that is merely a vicious circle that repeats itself. The imbalance is still there, awaiting resolution.

As I near the end of my life, I am beginning to realize I have at least one more imbalance that needs attention. For many years, this other person and I have been like sorcerers in a Disney movie fighting one another. The stronger one gets, the stronger the other gets to counter it. It is a classic case of likes repelling one another, and both sides are equally unwilling to admit any weakness or vulnerability in order to find common ground.

I have long believed that, if only she would open her heart a little, I would return it ten-fold and begin the healing process. After all, I have reached out to her before, only to be rebuked at every turn. And there is certainly truth to the notion that two people cannot share any kind of positive energy unless there is an openness to both receiving and giving, completing an electrical circuit.

But that may be asking too much of the other person. We cannot make someone forgive or accept us. All we can do is try to forgive and accept them without conditions. I realize many readers will disagree with a recommendation to give up a chance for victory in this lengthy struggle for supremacy. But after much reflection and some help from my loving son, I now realize I need to heal myself, whether I help the other person or not. Giving up is exactly what I must do.

In the long run, winning and losing are merely ego games; we all lose eventually since we all die. Wins and losses seem important to us while we have bodies and egos, but we are much more than that. On a spiritual level, we are all equal. In fact, we are in reality one; there is no separation. What may seem like a loss in the short run may be a key to long-term happiness and peace.

Thus, we need to heal and balance ourselves, regardless of the circumstances that led to our self-imposed limitations. We are actually energy that exists forever, not egos that are born and die. We may not be able to heal everything in any one lifetime, but the more we can resolve, the less we will carry with us upon our passing.

I am going through the process of letting go of the negativity within me toward this person. I may not succeed, but I now know I must try. And I must make at least one more attempt to reach out and express my heartfelt apology for anything I may have done to cause her pain. Perhaps it will be rejected out of hand, but I must try.

After all, I don’t wish to carry negative tapes around with me throughout eternity. They are like the chains on Marley’s ghost as described in Charles Dickens’s classic novel “A Christmas Carol.” And I don’t want bad karma to haunt me or the other person sufficient to force a replay of what has come before.

We have to resolve the bad memories sometime, so it might as well be now. And I have to be the one to initiate the healing process since I need to know I did everything I could to resolve the problem. Doing nothing guarantees continued pain.

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