Blog #34--Holding On To Inaccuracies Backfires

We spend the early years of our lives learning about ourselves so we can survive in a complex and potentially dangerous world. At first, our only role models are our parents/guardians, whom we tend to follow blindly in order to survive. We have no choice but to trust them because we are helpless without their constant assistance.

Our first lessons are often the most utilized and least altered over time. Unfortunately, humans as a group learn new things slowly at best. Our general tendency is to hold on to the beliefs ingrained in us by our role models, especially when our survival is threatened. We fear some less understood approach will be even worse. Adaptability and flexibility are essential for survival, but many of us are reluctant to change even when absolutely necessary. It causes us all sorts of problems.

We had no air conditioning when I was young, and my bedroom had minimal access to outside cooling winds. It became unbearably hot in the summer. I had trouble falling to sleep anyway, and the extra heat made things much worse. I was miserable, yet my mother wouldn’t permit me to use a small fan in my room to keep me cooler. She was taught to assume a cooling fan was a stress that would make us vulnerable to colds and other illnesses. In reality, I was more likely to suffer physical imbalances from the heat.

Making things even worse was my mother’s belief that hair can and should be trained to lay down the way we want. I have five cowlicks that defy any kind of control, but she saw that as a challenge to overcome. So after I bathed, I was forced to put a glob of grease on my hair, comb it the way she wanted and then wear a stocking cap to hold it in place.

As hot as I was in the summer anyway, the stocking cap made things even worse. My mind was so active, I sometimes asked my mom to take my pillow outside to cool it off, even in the winter. I would have used the refrigerator if I could have fit the pillow in there. I cannot begin to tell you how relieved I was to outgrow this vicious cycle.

I have a close friend who, as an infant, kept kicking off his covers. His mother, fearful he might get a cold from exposure, solved her fear by making him wear full-body sleepers with feet to keep him warm. He wasn’t old enough to learn how to unzip and remove his heavy clothing. To say he was miserable every night was an understatement. Even as an adult, he is hotter than the average person and prefers to sleep with minimal covers. His mom meant well, but she did more harm than good due to a lack of understanding.

The truth is, we are bombarded with conflicting explanations for life’s puzzles throughout our lives. It limits our ability to cope. As we slowly evolve as a species, we learn more about ourselves and our world. My mom did the best she could with what she was given. Hopefully, each generation improves upon the misunderstandings prevalent at the time. But it is an extremely slow process.

Once we finally accept the reality that we don’t already know everything, we can begin to find new solutions to old problems. Once we let go of beliefs and practices that do not stand up to scrutiny, we can make significant progress. Once we become open-minded enough to consider all our alternatives, we can have the confidence necessary to face problems in our daily lives. That is when we are most likely to enhance the quality of our lives.

Of course, we simultaneously must learn how to distinguish truth from confabulation. There are many paths to the same ultimate destiny, but some take much longer and are more convoluted than others. Following those who are mistaken can teach us valuable lessons, if we ready to learn them. But so can thinking for ourselves.

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