Blog #20--New Year's Eve Choices

Blog #20—New Year’s Eve Choices, by Jack Tuttle http://dreamtime3.wix.com/jacktuttlebook

Those who utilize the Gregorian (Western) calendar celebrate December 31st as the end of their year. This is not the only calendar observed around the world, but it is accepted by a majority of people. January 1st of each year is a holiday for many people.

It can be a time to reflect on the highs and lows of the previous 12 months. It can also inspire goal-setting to make the following year a better one. Of course, “New Year’s Resolutions” are often abandoned before completion, but at least many make an initial effort to change. Some actually succeed.

However, much of the publicity relative to New Year’s Eve relates to all the parties and other festivities planned for that date. It is seemingly normal, at least for the 18-45 age group that is catered to by advertisers, politicians and others, to use the day as an excuse for getting drunk and behaving selfishly.

Prior to college, I looked forward to all the football bowl games played on or around the new year. But once I heard college friends talking about all the debauchery planned for New Year’s Eve, I longed for the experience. Sports became less important than attending the ultimate party.

As I mention in my book, I started smoking on New Year’s Eve my freshman year in college because I was frustrated being home alone while my parents went out for the evening and everyone else I knew was having the time of their lives. Or so I thought. The more I missed the experience, the more I wanted it.

The whole concept became so exaggerated in my mind, a Mardi Gras-type of excuse for misbehavior, it became impossible to reach expectations no matter what I did on that date. I attended several parties after that, and there was actually one where I did the things I thought I should be doing on that date. But much to my surprise and regret, the wild party was no better and in some ways a worse experience than the more tame fare I usually experienced.

I would likely feel remorse today if I never got to experience what I thought I was missing. But experiencing it, and realizing how excess expectations can ruin a good time, was necessary to help me overcome a self-imposed limitation. I came to realize that happiness and fun are relative terms and not absolutes that can be attained through behavioral excesses.

The best party I ever attended was one where I had no expectations, good or bad, beforehand. I didn’t try to make anything happen, I just went with the flow of the evening. It turned out great, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. No one got drunk, but everyone had a fun time. I needed the wild party to appreciate the tame one, but I now prefer the latter.

Actually, my wife and I no longer celebrate the ending of another year. In fact, we don’t always stay up to midnight to sing Auld Lang Syne. After all, it is just another day, the same as all the others. Life is a continuous process, not something that has beginnings and endings. We collectively decide to make it seem different than the rest, but it isn’t.

If we have too good a time partying, we may regret it later. If we have a poor time, we are frustrated because it didn’t meet our expectations. To us, the lows and highs weren’t worth it. Keeping an even keel allows us the occasional serendipity of surprise events, and it prevents negative feelings from events that backfire on us. Without the partying to distract us, we are more likely to reflect on our recent experiences to see where improvements might be made.

So our New Year’s Resolution, which we have every year, is simply to be the best people we can be every day. We will have successes and failures, but we will try to respond to them with balance and without judgment of ourselves or others. And we will try to find good in every day rather than saving up for one or two events to make up for lost time. We are much happier this way.

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