Blog #17--Child's Toys Come Full Circle

Blog #17 –Child’s Toys Come Full Circle, by Jack Tuttle http://dreamtime3.wix.com/jacktuttlebook

Have you seen the classic movie “Citizen Kane,” which was directed, produced, acted and co-written by Orson Welles? The main character, loosely based on publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst, did a number of dastardly deeds to gain money and power. But on his death bed, Kane called out the name “Rosebud,” a reference to a snow sled he loved as a child. This showed an innocent child peeking from beneath the false façade of a powerful, wealthy man.

I’ve had a similar experience recently, the result of a poor health prognosis. Besides going on a farewell tour of favorite sites and saying my goodbyes to those close to me, I also took time to renew acquaintances with some of the inanimate “friends” I’ve kept with me all these years. I wanted to remember as much as I could about my life, and keeping possessions from my youth helped that process a great deal.

I frequently had to find my own entertainment when I was young. I was an only child, and I rarely lived near kids my age. Lacking creativity as a youth, I often had great difficulty inventing games to pass the time and provide some fun. There were a couple of noticeable exceptions, however.

When I was around 5 years old, I found a small, blue plastic image of one of cartoon character Donald Duck’s three nephews hidden in a box of Kellogg’s Rice Krispies. I believe it might have been Dewey, although all three look similar. For some reason, I kept it in my pocket and played with it frequently. A year or so later, I found myself taking a small, rubbery elephant off its perch from the middle of a small music box that no longer played music or rotated when wound up.

These two small toys, neither more than one inch tall, became my best friends. I took them everywhere I went. Even if I didn’t play with them, I would caress them in my pocket, secure they were safe there. I likely retired them around the time I completed grade school. But wherever I moved after that, I made sure my two friends were safe in a clothes drawer. I would see them occasionally, but that was the extent of my involvement.

That is, until I faced my mortality. Then, I felt drawn to these two little friends like a magnet. I placed them adjacent to one another in front of my computer while I waited for open heart surgery. I figured it was the last I would see them, so I felt it important to spend a little time with them. Obviously, my child subconscious benefitted from the security of friends rediscovered.

When I chose to cancel the surgery, I kept them in front of me. I’ve never even given them names, but as I pondered their existence and the role they played in my life, I began to notice two things that are worth sharing.

First of all, I believe I was drawn to these two for more than just friendship. The duck represents the intellect, the left part of our brain if you will (the three nephews are the intelligent counterpoint to Donald). And, it reminds me of my wife Mary Jane, who is a rooster in Chinese Astrology, has a strong intellect and walks like a duck at times.

The elephant is small and cute, so it encourages me to open my heart. Thus, it represents the more reflective, feeling part of my right brain. Its appearance doesn’t remind me of my son Chris, but the elephant and Chris both stimulate my heart to open. Thus, having the two together symbolizes the balance that is necessary for survival. Plus, Mary Jane and Chris have been my best friends for many years, so history has repeated itself.

“Citizen Kane” ends with “Rosebud” perishing in a fire, thus preventing Kane from rekindling his love for it. Such is the pity. I won’t need to lament the loss of my childhood friends because they are still with me. Sure, adults don’t usually need childhood toys to find a balance. But having them around can be a blessing when problems mount since the child part of us needs security to overcome fear. Good memories help counter the fear.

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